Beneath the Surface

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November 24, 2011

“Okay Lex, hold the gun in your right hand. Keep it pointed down at the ground unless you’re aiming it to shoot. Never point it at anyone that you don’t intend to shoot. Not even as a joke. Now lift it and point it at the target. Use your left hand to brace your right. That’s good baby. Do you see the sights on top of the gun? Use those to aim. Now flick the safety off. Line them up with your target, and gently squeeze the trigger. Do not pull it, squeeze it. If you pull it you’ll jerk your hand and you won’t hit where you aim. Now take a deep breath, relax, let out the breath slowly and squeeze the trigger.”

He’s standing behind me at the gun range as I aim at the target. I do as he says and squeeze the trigger. I hit the target, but I hit it high. I jerked a little because I was scared of what it would feel like when it went off. It wasn’t as bad as I had expected and I’m not scared anymore. Jax tells me to do it again and this time I hit closer to the middle of the target. I shoot the rest of the bullets in the clip and hit the middle of the target three times. I lay the gun down and spin to throw my arms around Jax. “Did you see that? I did it!”

He laughs at me and nods his head, “You did do it baby. You’re a natural. You ready to go fill out paperwork for a permit to carry one? We can buy one today too but you can’t carry it until you get a permit. You’ll have it at home though. You know you will have to keep it somewhere the boys can’t get to it. Do they know gun safety, and to never touch one even if they think it’s not loaded or should I talk to them?”

I smile at him, “They know to never touch one. Shawn already had that talk. We lived with him for about eight months remember?” He nods at me and we get our stuff together to leave. We stop by and fill the paperwork out to get me a permit. Then we stop and buy me a Ruger 9mm. I’ll probably sleep with it under my mattress. If he comes in again while I’m asleep it won’t do me much good in the top of the closet. I’m done being scared! I’m ready to move on with my life, and maybe one day be a family with Jax. If my stalker comes back for me again I’m going to be ready to fight for my life this time. I already signed up for a self-defense class and start classes tomorrow morning. I won’t let him hurt me again.

Later that night, Jax has been called into work and me and the boys are watching TV when Carson shows up. “Lexie, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

I shrug my shoulders like it doesn’t really matter but it does. I’m upset because this is my first Thanksgiving away from my siblings. They can’t come down because they all have to work until after lunch time, and it takes about seven hours to drive here so there’s no way they can make it before late at night. They’re just as upset as I am about it, but they haven’t been able to get their work schedules changed so there’s really nothing they can do about it and I understand that. “Brett and Nina want me to invite you and the boys to their house for thanksgiving dinner. We usually go over about lunch time and hang out with them, and watch football, or run around the yard with any foster kids they might have, and about 5 or 6 we eat dinner. It’ll just be me, Dillon, Jax, and they have one foster living with them right now. It’s a little boy about the boy’s age. His name is Dex. I think y’all would all enjoy it. We usually have a lot of fun.”

I walk over to him and hug his neck, “Thank you Carson. That sounds great. I’d love to come.” He smiles at me and nods his head before getting comfortable on the couch to watch Transformers with us. I’m really looking forward to Thanksgiving now. It’s amazing how quickly things can turn around. I love being around Jax, Carson, and Dillon, and I really liked Brett and Nina the two times I met them. I can’t wait to meet Dex, and I bet the kids will love spending some time with another little boy their age. This Thanksgiving is going to be a great one!