Love for the Librarian

After a little while I woke up. The room is dark, but the bathroom light is coming through to the room. I look around and see Alex rocking Grace. He looks like a natural with her. “Hey, you look good doing that?”

He wags his eyebrows at me. “You offering to give me one of my very own?”

“No,” I giggle. “I am just saying that maybe you should have one of your very own. Some day.”

He laughs low so as not to wake up Grace. “I will just practice with her for now. She is great. The others went home to get some sleep. I offered to stay. That guy has been calling. I think it has been like four times now. I was going to answer but then I figured that might cause you more problems.”

“It will most definitely. I will call him back later. You don’t think I am stringing him along do you?”

“No, you told him to date others. He does seem pretty fixated on you though. Maybe you should make a go of it. I mean he did screw up but that doesn’t mean that he should be punished for life.”

“I am not punishing him for life. I don’t even want to punish him at all. I am just scared. You see that right?”

“Yeah, but you can’t be scared forever. You are never going to have a life if you don’t try. Being scared is a part of it. You were scared of having this baby, and look, it all turned out fine. Maybe it will with him too. But if you don’t give him a chance then you wont move on either.”

“I thought you wanted me for yourself.” I cock my eyebrow at him.

“Oh, I do. I am secretly hoping that he will screw up and then you will be ready for me. Right now I know that you aren’t. That was what I was going to tell you earlier. But then you had to go into labor on me. I want to be with you Riley, but I want you to want it too. I need you to do something about this guy that actually ends it. That includes telling him about Grace. For now I will see other people. Hopefully it will work out for the both of us.”

I smile at him. “Thank you Alex. You get it. I don’t want anyone to put their life on hold for me. Please live your life and if there ever comes a day that I am ready for you. Hopefully I am not too late.”

He smiles that smile that I love to see. “Good, keep that smile.”

The nurse comes in. “I came to check on you. I want to check your bleeding. Do you want him to stay or go?” She looks at Alex.

I smile at Alex. “Turn around. I think Kevin is scared enough for the both of you.”

Alex laughs a low laugh, “Alright.” He turns away from me.

The nurse checks me out and then smiles. “You are doing great. We can probably send you home tomorrow afternoon as long as everything checks out with the baby. We are going to run some tests tomorrow and then we will do a couple of blood tests on you. Make sure there isn’t more bleeding that we just don’t see. Then you can leave with your baby.”

“Thank you. As great as you all have been, I would much rather be in my own room.”

“Yeah, not a whole lot of people want to stay here. You get some rest and a nurse will be in in the morning to run those tests.”

As if on cue Grace starts fussing. Not loud but enough that I know she is hungry. “Give her here Alex. I am sure she is hungry.” Alex turns around and gives her to me. Once I put her to breast I see that Alex is watching us. The nurse has gone and it is just the two of us in the room. “What?”

He smiles at me. “I really hope he screws up.” Then his lips meet mine. It is our first kiss, I have a feeling that it will be the last. This is a goodbye kiss. Unless of course Dylan moves on and I manage to move on too. It is sweet and soft. I would lie if I said that I felt nothing but it isn’t the same as Dylan. God how fucked up am I? “Get some rest I will watch Grace. After she is done there. Right now I need to get some coffee. I don’t think I will make it through the night without it.”

“Thanks Alex. You are the best.”

“Oh, I know. Just waiting for you to see it.” He winked at me and then left me alone with Grace. I saw my phone on the stand by the bed. I reached over and grabbed it. It said there were four missed calls from Dylan.

I called him back, knowing that he was probably sleeping but he could see the message when he got up. Then he couldn’t say that I didn’t call. Much to my amazement he answered. “Hey, I thought something happened. You didn’t answer me.”

“I told you I was going to be busy. I am really busy now. I am fine though. You can rest easy.” Even though I am going through all of this it still feels nice to hear the concern in his voice.

“I did what you wanted. I went on a date. Can we talk about this?” Dylan sounds like he is pleading.

“Go on a few more, then we’ll talk about it.” I smile at him.

“I don’t want to. I want to be with you. Can you please just be with me again? I don’t want to be apart from you. It drives me crazy knowing that you are living with that guy. I have seen pictures of that guy. I know he may not look like me but he is attractive.”Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

“How have you seen pictures of Alex?”

“That’s his name? On Katelyn’s social media. She posts pictures of you guys all the time. So does Kevin but he conveniently misses that guy.”

“That’s because Kevin doesn’t like him.”

“I heard. He is attracted to you. He wants to be with you. Do you want to be with him?”

“Dylan honestly a small part of me does but I still want to be with you. I just know that we need time here. I am not going to rush this. Alex and I have an understanding, I will give you the time that we need and if it doesn’t work out between us, then and only then will we try to do something.”

“Sounds like he is patient. He still wants you. And he is there. I don’t get to be there. You are pushing me away.”

“I am not pushing you away. I just need to know that you are not giving up your life to be with me. There are things going on that you don’t understand. Things that will make you feel pinned down. I don’t want that to happen to you. I want you to finish school and be ready for me when I come back. If that is what is in the cards. You don’t know everything and I don’t want to tell you yet. I will though and you will have a choice to make.”

“I have already made my choice. If it will make you feel better I will do as you say. I will practice patience. I will wait for you to be ready. I only got what three and a half years left. Piece of cake.” I can hear the humor in his voice.

“Ok, so you are going to give us some space. Date other people. Maybe not have breakfast with my mom every morning.”

“My relationship with your mom is personal. I will not stop that. I will date, if that is what you want. Hell, the one last night wasn’t so bad. I mean I hated it but I got through it.”

“Just try to have a life without me alright. If in the end it was meant to be then it will be. I will not be an anchor to you.”

“You could never anchor me. I love you so much I just think of what we can build together. Please just think about it. Keep me in mind. And don’t run off with that Alex guy. I am here for you day or night.”

“Dylan, Have a good morning. I was up late last night. I need some rest. I will talk to you when I can.” I smile at his words. They are what I need to hear, even if I don’t want to admit it.

“I love you. Get some rest.” Right when I go to click the end button Grace starts to make a noise, it is so cute, but a minute too soon. All I can do is pray that Dylan didn’t hear it. I wait a minute to see if he is going to call back, but he doesn’t. I must be in the clear. Alex comes back in the room and helps me with Grace.